Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow?
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ?
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ?
A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q:Which direction is North in Australia ?
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ?
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do...
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Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule?
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? )
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
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Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum.
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees.
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ?
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ?
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go?
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
Questions that are asked before travelling to Australia
Moderators: admin, Northern Lass, peterd
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Northern Lass
- Posts: 46022
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- Primary Surname Interests: Hinett, Rose, Round, Shakespear, Wilkins,
- Primary Geographical Research Areas: Black Country, Wiltshire, Newcastle upon Tyne
Re: Questions that are asked before travelling to Australia
busy are we rob!
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MarkCDodd
- Posts: 4157
- Joined: Mon Aug 24, 2009 12:55 pm
- Primary Surname Interests: Homer, Dodd, Murphy, Cutler, Ford
- Primary Geographical Research Areas: Shropshire, Staffordshire, Worcestershire, Yorkshire
Re: Questions that are asked before travelling to Australia
It is easy to tell visitors from the Northern Hemisphere.
They walk into revolving doors with a lovely "boing" sound. (Our doors revolve opposite to the American standard).
They spend hours flushing the toilet or filling a sink and pulling the plug because our water goes the wrong way round and it hypnotises them.
I like the Kings Cross ones. There is very little you can do with your clothes on in Kings Cross.
You can see Kangaroos in the street if you head out of suburbia!
Unlike Skippy, a male Big Red or Grey kangaroo is likely to disembowel you if it is mating season and you walk up for a chat.
You have to watch out for those Drop Bears! I recommend visitors purchase a special Anti Drop Bear umbrella before heading out into the bush.
It is also a good idea to recognise the different species of snake. Otherwise if you get bitten you might waste time trying to get to a hospital instead of saying goodbye to your family
They walk into revolving doors with a lovely "boing" sound. (Our doors revolve opposite to the American standard).
They spend hours flushing the toilet or filling a sink and pulling the plug because our water goes the wrong way round and it hypnotises them.
I like the Kings Cross ones. There is very little you can do with your clothes on in Kings Cross.
You can see Kangaroos in the street if you head out of suburbia!
Unlike Skippy, a male Big Red or Grey kangaroo is likely to disembowel you if it is mating season and you walk up for a chat.
You have to watch out for those Drop Bears! I recommend visitors purchase a special Anti Drop Bear umbrella before heading out into the bush.
It is also a good idea to recognise the different species of snake. Otherwise if you get bitten you might waste time trying to get to a hospital instead of saying goodbye to your family
Black Holes happen when God divides by zero.
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Jimmy
- Posts: 22696
- Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2008 9:40 am
- Primary Surname Interests: Ancestry
- Primary Geographical Research Areas: Worcestershire, Staffordshire.
- Location: Kidderminster.
Re: Questions that are asked before travelling to Australia
Northern Lass wrote::lol:
busy are we rob!
I would say bored.
