You know you have hit a brickwall when..

[dudleytaylor]

I don't change tyres,I don't have any muscles.

[Jimmy]

Well if you changed few tyres you could have, I am in my local church lifting pint glasses to keep me in trim.

[dudleytaylor]

I don't want any muscles Jimmy . I like being a woman.

[Jimmy]

Do you mean one of the weaker sex.

[dudleytaylor]

Women are not weak, we are strong in other ways , I would like to see a man having the pain a woman has when in labour

[Jimmy]

I would like to see a woman climbing ladders running around on roof tops fitting tv aerials in all weathers after 25 years and see what she as to say.

[Rob]

I don't want any muscles Jimmy . I like being a woman.

Women with muscles!! Hmmmm
Jimmy don't be so macho.You can't mean what you are saying.Tell them you're joking.
I personally like women to be Woman.

[dudleytaylor]

Some woman do do men's jobs. Some men do what use to be woman's work ie nursing . I don't think I would like to work on a roof or fight in the army or drive a lorry . I'm happy as I am .

[dudleytaylor]

I don't want any muscles Jimmy . I like being a woman.

Women with muscles!! Hmmmm
Jimmy don't be so macho.You can't mean what you are saying.Tell them you're joking.
I personally like women to be Woman.

Quite right Rob

[SRD]

My wife can multitask; she can drive down the road with her handbag balanced on the top of the car.

Is that whilst putting makeup on at the same time

No, she's already done that, it's why we're half an hour late already.

[dudleytaylor]

My wife can multitask; she can drive down the road with her handbag balanced on the top of the car.

Is that whilst putting makeup on at the same time

No, she's already done that, it's why we're half an hour late already.

I bet you would not change her for the world

[SRD]

No, she's already done that, it's why we're half an hour late already.

I bet you would not change her for the world

I couldn't find anyone fool enough to take her.
(and she's looking over my shoulder as I type. )

[Antie Em]

Thought you might like this "How to Change Oil"

WOMEN:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube or Valvoline Instant Oil Change when the mileage reaches 3,000 miles since the last oil change.

2. Drink a cup of coffee while they change the oil.

3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Cost: $29.99 oil change, $2.00 coffee. Total $32.00


MEN:

1. Wait until Saturday, drive to the auto parts store. Buy a case of oil, oil filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner (don't forget a little tree air freshener). Write a check to the auto parts store for approximately $50.

2. Stop by 7/11 on the way home, buy a case of beer. Write a check for $20.00.

3. Drive home with oil and beer.

4. Open beer, enjoy it.

5. Spend 30 minutes looking for the jack stands.

6. Find the jack stands (finally) under the kid's pedal car, jack the car up.

7. Open another beer, drink it.

8. Place drain pan under engine.

9. Look for 9/16" box end wrench for drain plug

10. Give up looking ten minutes later, find crescent wrench.

11. Unscrew drain plug.

12. Drop drain plug into pan of hot oil. Splash hot oil onto your hands and face in the process. Cuss and swear.

13. Crawl out from under car, wipe hot oil from hands and face. Throw some kitty litter on the spilled oil.

14. Open another beer while watching the last drops of oil drain.

15. Spend 30 minutes looking for the oil filter wrench.

16. Give up looking for oil filter wrench, crawl under car and hammer a flat-head screwdriver through the oil filter and twist it off.

17. Crawl out from under car, splashing hot oil everywhere from newly made holes in oil filter.

18. Cleverly hide used oil filter in trash to avoid those pesky environmental penalties. Open another beer.

19. Install new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to the gasket.

20. Pour the first quart of new oil into engine.

21. Oops! Now remember the drain plug (removed in step 11). It's still swimming in the now-warm oil in the drain pan.

22. Throw more kitty litter on the quart-sized oil puddle on the floor.

23. Open another beer and drink it.

24. Find drain plug with a minimum of spillage, hand-tighten in drain plug socket. Drink beer.

25. Crawl under car (getting oily kitty litter embedded in neck and arms). Tighten drain plug with crescent wrench, but this time, it's slippery. Bang your knuckles on the frame while tightening drain plug.

26. Throw crescent wrench across the garage in anger. Throw a fit because crescent wrench hits bowling trophy (which wife wouldn't let stay in the house).

27. Open another beer and drink it.

28. Clean hands, bandaging where needed to stop blood flow.

29. Pour in five quarts of fresh oil.

30. Lower car from jack stands. Smile at your handiwork. Open another beer and drink it.

31. Move car back to discover oil puddles you missed; apply more kitty litter to missed areas.

32. Test drive car to make sure oil doesn't leak.

33. Get pulled over a block from the house by local police, get arrested for DUI.

34. Call loving wife and bail bondsman.

35. Next day, get car out of impound yard.

Cost: $50 parts, $20 beer, Impound fee $75, Bail $1500, DUI $2500 minimum. Total $4145 (but you know the job was done right!)

[dudleytaylor]

Like very much

[snoopysue]

You can almost put one of the smaller cars in some handbags .

We only have large handbags to keep our husbands junk in,A touch, screwdriver, and large hankie .The touch so he can see what he's doing in the dark ,when he's changing the tyre .the screwdriver is to prise it off if it gets stuck,and the large hankie is to mop his brow.

Yeh! Who hasn't been to a party with a nice little handbag, with just room for a lipstick and powder, and the husband asks if there's room for his keys, mobile phone etc etc! Why doesn't he ask before we leave home??